A Drunken Marriage of cookies
by nomb8217
Summary: what happens when get Ruby and Jaune drunk
1. chapter 1

Jaune was on his way back to his dorm from his extra training with goodwitch. " oh oum is goodwitch tough I feel like I just went ten rounds with an ursa." Jaune said aloud to no one in particular I think I'm gonna get a nice warm shower Jaune thought to himself. Just as he was approaching his dorm his oh shit meter went off and that only happened when Nora was up to no good. Just as he was about to go in someone yelled out his name as he turned around and there was Ruby his friend and fellow team leader. " I wouldn't go in there if I was you I saw Nora go in with magnchild talking about working on new rounds for it." Ruby stated concerningly " thanks rubes" Jaune said. "Want to hang out there's this place that yang talks about all the time it sounds cool." Ruby asks Jaune " sure we can have a leaders meeting like professor goodwitch has been telling us to."

A few hours later Jaune and Ruby walk into Juinors club. Jaune follows Ruby as she makes her way over to the bar. The bartender looks them over and just says " beacon students" " yes and we' re here to unwind so can i get two Schwarz aus" Ruby replies gleefully. The bartender looks at her quizzativley "who the fuck told you about that drink theres only a select few who know about it?" "Oh I heard my uncle Qrow tell my sister about it." Ruby replied nonchalantly. All of a sudden every employee at the bar pulled a gun out. One of them screams for someone named Juinor and out steps a bear of a man. " what is it now griff?" Juinor ask depressingly. " Its blondies sister sir what should we do?" the henchmen named griff said in a dull monotone and slothful voice. "How about putting your fucking guns away and giving her free drinks before she calls her sister and wrecks this place." he says angerly. As he walks out the bartender begins making their drinks as he is doing so Jaune leans over to Ruby and whispers " what was that all about?" Ruby looks at him and whispers back " I dont know." The bartender looks at them both and says "be careful this is the strongest drink in all of remenant and girly your uncle Qrow can only drink five before he is totally sloshed so watch out for your freind he dosent look like a heavy drinker." they both take sips from their drinks it was strong but not in a bad way it tasted like strawberries they both finished in minutes. "So Jaune what would be the best way to take down a goliath horde I was thinking the first thing to do would be to call in for backup but after that I'm stuck with who to pair up with who." asked Ruby " Well iwould put blake and weiss together and have themrun support while you and yang take down as many as possible." Jaune said as Ruby ordered two more drinks. They continued like this for hours. After they drank their sixth Shwarz aus the bartender cut them off so they left giggling and stumbling.

"Where is she!" Yang yelled angrily as she paced the dorm room of team RWBY. " Well have you tried calling her scroll?" weiss asked also wondering where her team leader could be. "yes I have but its dead. Yang snapped back. "Hey no need to be hostile okay we are all worried about her Yang." Blake said calmly "sorry guys it just that I promised our dad I would protect her" Yang said sadly. Then they heard a knock on the door. "I wonder who that could be?" they all said unanimously as Yang ran to the door in hopes it was Ruby but whenn she opened the door all she saw was dishelveled Phyrrah. "Hey p-money have you seen Ruby" " No I was about to ask you the same about Jaune." Pyrrah said. " Have you tried calling him?" Weiss asked from inside the room. "No but thats a good idea thanks Weiss and maybe they are together." Pyrrah said hopefully.

In a hotel in Vale an arm reached out and dismissed a call on the owners scroll put itself back around a certain red haired girl.

A/N I would like to thank Cyberleader2000 for beta reading this story and Austin Ga Kill for his support and starting the drunken marriages community.


	2. The Morning After

**A/N OK so one I didn't want to go two weeks with no update so that's why it's short and two I'm doing a poll on who opens the door.**

"Ughh my head feels like a horde of a dozen pissed off boarbatusks just ran through it." Jaune said as he woke up then he realized that there was something warm next to him. _Oh oum I hope that isn't vomit because if it is I'm never gonna stop being called vomit boy by Yang._ As he looked over he realized that Yang teasing him was the least of his worries . As he jumped out of the bed he screamed " Yang's going to kill me!" Ruby awoke startled and immediately jumped out of the bed screaming "Jaune what are you doing my dorm and why are you only in your boxers!?" "I should be the one asking that question because this clearly isn't your dorm. And can we please talk about this after we both have clothes on?" Jaune said quickly and defensively Ruby looked at herself and realized that she was only in her bra and panties. So she quickly ran to the bathroom to get dressed. While she was in there she saw her scroll in the toilet covered in vomit. "Well that's just perfect!" Ruby screamed as she got dressed "My scroll is in the toilet." Jaune heard this as he was getting dressed and saw something on his hand a ring. "Ugh Ruby please tell me that you don't have a ring on."" Uhh" Ruby said nervously as she looks down and sees a ring on her finger.

" yeah I do why?" As Jaune searched frantically Ruby came out of the bathroom "What are you doing?" she asked. Just as Jaune was about to tell her the door opened.


	3. chapter 3 Jaunes parents

"Honey I hope Jaune doesn't hate us for showing up unannounced like this." Blanco said as she rubbed her husband Giallos back because just like his son Giallo has a problem with motion sickness. " Stop worrying he could never if anything he'll be happy honey" Giallo replied as the airship descended down to the drop off location. As they exited the airship they both took a deep breath and began walking towards their apartment in Vale. Neither talked it wasn' t an awkward or uncomfortable silence just one of understanding. As they reached the apartment they heard shouting recognizing one of the voices as Jaunes Giallo readied his weapon nightwatch and slammed the door open. And there stood his son half naked with a girl. Giallo didn't know what to do next part of him wanted to high five his son the other wanted to scould him he decided to just close the door and wait on his son to finish entertaining his special guest.


	4. Chapter 4

Jaune walked out of the apartment embarrassed looked over and saw his mom and dad a little way down the hall talking as he rushed down to them he was trying to figure out what he was gonna tell them. As he approached them his dad gave him the biggest shit eating grin all Jaune could think about was the ass chewing he was gonna get from his mom and the teasing he was gonna receive from his dad.

His mother stood up and gave him the sternest look she could muster and in a voice that sounded like the devil she said " Jaune Othello Arc what the hell is wrong with you? Do you not remember the promise you made to me and your father when hit puberty let me remind you that an Arc is to remember that if you make a promise you are not to break it is that not the Arc family code of honor? You promised me and your father that you would not sleep with a woman until you were married."

Jaune interrupted her before she could say anything else by simply showing her the ring on his finger. Giallo started laughing as Blanco stood there in shock she quickly composed herself from the shock " Oh so now you're getting married without telling us now I'm definitely calling your sisters and telling them all about this."

Jaune quickly responded in a scared and startled voice because he knew what his sisters would say if they heard that he had married without telling them he shuddered as he spoke his words carefully "No mom please don't this just happened last night while we were out drinking I've got enough problems ahead with her sister who is going to do her best to kill me without having to worry about them trying to kill my new wife and best friend."

As they were speaking Ruby walked out of the apartment and with her head hung in embarrassment and shame she walked over to Jaune and hid behind him. Blanco moved Jaune out of her way and said in a questioning tone "So you're the young lady who has captured our sons' heart well I'm Blanco Arc And this is Giallo Arc we are Jaune's parents and you are?"

Ruby replied in a startled yet confident tone " I'm Ruby Rose oh sorry I mean Arcrose."

Giallo finally spoke up with a grizzly voice that suited the bear of a man perfectly " Ruby as the current patriarch of the Arc house I would like to ask you do you truly love my son if so then I shall give you my word that no matter what we will stand by you if not then I am allowed to annul the marriage and I will think none the less of you because if I remember correctly you are the daughter of Taiyang and I know he is going to flip."

Ruby sat and thought about it for what seemed like forever to the two young huntsmen before she spoke up " I would like to give it a try and I think me Jaune will be just fine because he was the first person other than my sister to care enough to go out of his way to be nice. So yeah I think we can make it work."

"Well then now that that's taken care of let's go to beacon and figure out how everyone is doing because I bet your teams are worried sick about you two." As Giallo spoke those words he didn't even know how true it was.

Back at Beacon in team RWBYs dorm Yang was freaking out "I think I should notify dad let him know Ruby is missing wait no if I do that dad will disown me and I would never be able to show my face in public ever again." Yang said fervently while pacing back and forth.

"Yang chill out I'm sure your dad won't do anything like that ok." Blake said as she tried to calm her partner down.

Just as they finished talking Yang's scroll started ringing she ran over to it and saw an unknown number calling in thinking it might be Ruby she answered it. "Hey Yang it's me Jaune Ruby and I are ok but we need you to get everyone together at the dorm common room."

Yang immediately started yelling at him " I swear to Oum if something is wrong with her I will kill you and shove the biggest dildo I can find up your ass before your body can even get cold."

But before she could finish threatening him he hung up on her. "Who was that Yang?" Weiss asked timidly.

"That was Arc he wants everyone to meet in the common room something about wanting to talk to us." Yang replied obviously still upset.

Blake spoke up this time " I'll get team JNPR together and into the common room."

About an hour later Jaune, Ruby, and Jaunes parents walked into the common room where everyone was gathered. "So, I asked y'all to be here and I bet you are wondering why and who these people are? Well these two people here are my parents Giallo and Blanco Arc, and the reason why I called y'all here is because Ruby and I have an announcement to make while we were drunk we got married." Jaune said in a tone that was mixed with pride and fear.

Everyone's reactions were different. Yang was the first to speak " Ok Arc which end do you want the dildo sticking out of?" as she primed Ember Cecilla.

 **A\N**

 **Ok there's** **your cliff hanger and I'm sorry for blowing up on all of my readers in the last update I shouldn't have done that it's** **just with everything going on I currently have a very short fuse. I just found out for my entire life my mom lied to me and my great aunt is in the hospital. At least** **I got to see my older brother, sister in law, and niece after they evacuated Florida so that was nice anyhow this has been Nomb.**

 _ **You never know what someone is going through so be nice to everyone you meet.**_

 _ **Jada Genter**_


	5. Chapter 5

As Yang charged Jaune Giallo stepped in front of her and grabbed her by her arms and hoisted her to eye level with him and spoke in a cold calm voice "I shall not allow to hurt my son. I shall let you go as soon as you promise to act like a grown up and act in a calm state of mind and judging by the way act I believe you are one of Taiyangs kids am I understood?" Having never been treated or grabbed like that all Yang could muster was a timid "Yes Sir." and upon hearing those words he let her go. When Giallo opened his mouth again a smooth and kindly tone is what he spoke with "Now is there anyone else who would like to try something so arrogant if not we will take our leave and contact Tai and Qrow so that we may discuss what we are going to do with this situation and meet with Headmaster Ozpin." No one had anything to say but everyone could tell that Pyrrah was getting ready to freak out so Giallo and Blanco ushered Jaune and Ruby out of the room and dialed Taiyang.

In a classroom at Signal Prep a phone rang the teacher answered it with a cheery voice that quickly changed it tone " Hey Giallo whats up? WHAT Ill be there soon! Class is dismissed."

Two hours later Taiyang stepped off of the airship to Beacon to be greeted by his daughter Yang who looked like she just saw some one punt a puppy through a field goal. So he walked over to her and in a voice that was comforting but stern he said " What happened Yang?" She replied in a soft and timid voice that did not suit the usually cheery flirtations boxer " I don't know she said she and Jaune were going to go out and have a meeting about leadership tactics and left. Then I got a call from Jaune today and I immediately got everyone together then they made the announcement and I tried to kill Jaune. I'm sorry dad I should have kept a closer eye on her and not trusted Jaune." "Yang there is nothing you could have done Ruby has to make her own decisions and we should support her in any way we can ok firecracker." He replied trying to comfort her. Having finished calming her down Taiyang looked up and saw Giallo, Blanco, Ruby, and the young man he could only assume to be Jaune. "Hello Tai how are you old friend?" Giallo said in a gleeful voice. " I'd be doing a lot better if you just told me this was all a really bad practical joke." replied Taiyang. "I'm sorry dad but it's not." Ruby replied in a fearful voice. " Why are you scared if its because you think I'm going to be mad about all this I'm not if you are happy then I'm happy but I do want to talk to Jaune before we go any further if thats ok with you Giallo." Taiyang replied quickly. "Of course Tai I would expect nothing less in fact Ive given the same speech probably to all of my daughters boyfriends." Tai lead Jaune off to the side where no one could here them. After a few minutes Jaune came back over to the group with the most frightened look on his face. Taiyang casually walked over and said lets go see Ozpin and see how he could let something like this happen.

In his office Ozpin quietly studied the events that happened last night while he was going through his monthly change into a party animal. And watched something that made him realize he was a doomed man because he watched as he signed a marriage certificate for Jaune and Ruby.

 **Ok so this is where Im stopping I wanted to upload two updates as an apology and this is where I could no longer think of anything else.**

 **Nomb out guys**

 _Some men die when they are twenty five but aren't buried till they are seventy five_

 _Benjamin Franklin_


	6. Chapter 6

As the Elevator doors opened the group of now in-laws all stepped out of the elevator ready to kill the crazy headmaster of beacon academy Ozpin. Taiyang was the first to speak "What the hell Oz how could you let this happen?" Ozpin sipped his coffee and calmly replied "The same way I let you and Mrs. Xiao long's mom get married." "Look Oz theres no call for you to bring up Raven thats besides the fact that we were both young she left us ok so your only strengthen my argument." replied Tai in a very stern yet upset voice.

As they argue a crow sat perched in the window sill watching Jaune with a death glare. As they left the crow flew down and turned into a man. Ruby ran forward and gave the strange man a hug while screaming "Uncleeeee Qrow". " So this is the uncle that Professor Ozpin warned me about huh I thought he would be bigger." Jaune said in a nervous chuckle. "So you're the punk that got my niece drunk huh I thought you'd look more like him." Qrow said in his normal slightly Inebriated way while pointing at Cardin. "Ok now that we have the drunk uncle I would like to offer our beach house in menagerie to our newly weds if that is quite alright with everyone" Giallo said in a joking demeanor " Sure I don't mind if thats what Ruby wants Oz did give the kids a couple of days off." Tai said proudly. " I would love to let me and Jaune pack." Ruby said excitedly " Whats the catch dad?" Jaune said suspiciously. "Well we would make a stop over at the house so that way your sisters could meet your new wife." Giallo said confidently. Jaune fell over in shock just realizing that his sisters still didn't know. "Well I think its a great idea that way we are even" Ruby said as she drug Jaune back towards the dorm rooms. " We'll meet you in an hour at the docks." Blancho said as she watched her now daughter in law drag her son away.


	7. the sisters

As Jaune and Ruby made their way down to the Air dock, they conversed about Jaunes seven sisters.

"There's really only one sister that should worry you and that would be the oldest, Blanche. That's because she's the over protective one and she's a huntress working for the mistralian special forces. But the rest are pretty much nothing but nice." Jaune said. As they neared closer to the Arc Family airship, Ruby got considerably more nervous, realizing that this was the first time she has ever had to meet a boy's family.

"Jaune?" Ruby said in a very nervous tone as she started to get in the airship. "What if they don't like me? Does that mean we are going to split?" "Ruby asked.

"I promise you anyone who meets you will be lucky to know you and I know my family will be more than happy to meet you." Jaune said with a reassuring smile.

The ride was mostly quiet, except for the few odd questions from Ruby about Jaune's mom and her life before Beacon Academy. After about two hours the airship sets down on a grass landing pad on the front lawn of the Arc manor, which was a French chateauesque mansion, that sits on 5 acres of pristine lawn. As they entered the front door, they were rushed by Jaune's younger sister, Caeruleum Arc.

"Hey big brother!" she screamed as she tackled Jaune to the ground in a hug, which Jaune returned. "Hey there Cae. I think I missed you the most." Jaune said as he slowly got up and recovered from the rambunctious 8 year old.

"Ahem" Giallo cleared his throat. all three of the young kids turned to see him standing there, having not noticed his presence "Jaune, don't you think it would be polite to introduce your guest to everyone?" He said, almost telling him to.

"Sorry dad. Do you want me to go get them?" Jaune asked his father like a soldier would ask a drill sergeant, that just found a cupcake in his bunk, when he's supposed to be losing weight.

"No. You're going to show your guest to your old room. Caeruleum, will you let your sisters know we have a guest and we will be having lunch on the patio?" He said with a deep and yet comforting voice.

Jaune and Ruby left the foyer and went up the staircase to the second floor. They turned left and bumped into two girls running towards them.

"Ahhhh" the two girls screamed out as they fell down. Jaune helped them up, but instead they both brought him down in a hug.

"Guys, you can let me go now." Jaune said in a raspy voice that sounded short of air.

"Nope." they both said unanimously. Ruby laughed at the older girls' antics. That reminded her a lot of how Nora would act, when she had been worrying about Jaune. 'Not to say Nora really had much to worry about Jaune. his fighting skills have increased immensely since the first quarter and boy, does he have the muscles to prove it' Ruby thought. "Bad Ruby. You shouldn't be having those thoughts about Jaune, even if you're married to him.' The two women finally let Jaune get up.

"These are the youngest twins, Abelia and Vionnet. You guys, this is Ruby Rose. I'm taking her to her room." Jaune said quickly. He rushed himself and Ruby down the hallway, before the twins could interrogate them. As they got to the end of the hall, they took a left and entered the second room on the left. Inside was a huge bedroom, decorated with game and rock band posters, along with a couple of dressers, with the walls painted a calming light blue, except for one that was a vibrant gold. It also had a Vacuo king sized bed and a wall mounted T.V. with a playbox 720 hooked up to it.

"Alright, the dresser over there should be empty." Jaune said as he pointed at the one that the playbox sat on "And the door right beside it goes to the bathroom. If you want to take a shower first, go ahead. I'm just going to play some Summons to Arms." Jaune said as he sat down on the couch that Ruby missed, that was near the middle of the room.

"I'm good for now. But how about I play coop with you?' Ruby said as she joined Jaune on the couch.

"Huh...what? I've never had a girl ask if she could play with me!" Jaune stammered out.

"Well, if I'm correct you once said that you never knew a girl like me. So Jaune Miles Arc, are you ready to be beaten!" Ruby said, oozing confidence. After a quick one v one, that Ruby won by camping, as Jaune called her out for, which is a legitimate strategy for a sniper, as Ruby was quick to point out, the two made their way to the patio. As they walked out, they saw all seven of the Arc sisters.

Giallo called from the head of the table "Jaune, tell everyone who our guest is and why she is here please."

"Yes father." Jaune replied. "Everyone. This is Ruby Arc-Rose. My wife."

Silence filled the entire room for a few seconds, before everyone… well almost everyone, hollered a sound of approval. As everyone calmed down, one of the sisters stood up. She looked like a feminine and older Jaune, with her hair in a tight bun. Like most military women did, she had on some form of combat gear. So ruby assumed she must be Blanche. She cleared her throat and said firmly "I Blanche Arc, challenge you, Ruby Rose, to a duel."

 **A/N**

 **Hey guys. Welcome back. I know it's been quite a while, since we last saw anything with these two, but I'm back. I'll update as much and as often as I can, but we all know that when you make plans we often can hear god laughing. So I'm not making promises. Also thank you Martin Cyber and Blaiseingfire who each beta read this.**

 **Oh yeah PS I heard that loneonyxwolf is gonna have an interesting Dm go up so go follow him.**

 _If you tell the truth, you never have to remember anything._

 _Mark Twain_


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